This is a lovely ride with great scenery, fun people, wonderful volunteers, too much food...
But I can guarantee you that 10 people are going to have a terrible time. You see, we expect about 1,000 cyclists, and on every ride we do there is a consistent one percent that has a really bad time of it.
When things go bad for one of our fine cyclists, we scrape them up off the pavement and then we often hear them say, “But no one told me that...”
And so here it is -- all the bad stuff on one page. For 99 percent of you this stuff doesn’t matter one bit -- you are going to have a blast. But if you would like to avoid being in that unhappy one percent (or if you just like to read depressing stuff), this is worth taking a quick look at...
Helmets
You must wear a hard bike helmet at all times on the ride. No helmet/no ride/no exceptions. Really. Oh yeah, and while we’re being mean, no earphones or cell phones while you’re pedaling either. If you break these rules, we will kick you off the ride and everyone will laugh at you. No refunds.
Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy
Once you register, there are no refunds.
Of any kind.
For any reason.
Ever.
(Even if all six of your grandmothers die on the day of the ride and you break your leg in a car crash while your dog eats your homework).
Why the hard line on refunds? Good question. As soon as you register for the ride, we take your money and we go right out and SPEND IT. We buy more Gatorade and food, we rent more trucks and portable toilets, we sign up for more insurance (we pay per cyclist). We can’t refund your money because it is not sitting in our vault; it is GONE. Thanks for understanding.
Transfer Your Registration to Another Ride
If it turns out that you can’t make it, you can often transfer your registration to one of our other events. Take a look here to see if any of our other events works for you, and then contact us for details.
Do NOT just sign up for another event until you contact us first -- you will need written confirmation from us to make the switch, but we’re pretty reasonable about this. Please note that we need AT LEAST 15 DAYS notice before the event you want to skip in order to transfer your registration. (Why? See paragraph above!)
You can also roll-over full credit for your registration until next year, with our written permission. Again, we need at least 15 days advance notice before the date of the ride you want to skip, and again we’re usually pretty reasonable about this. Your registration credit will be valid through whatever the last event is that we run in ’11.
Please note that in all situations where we give you a ride credit, it is for the full value of the event minus the Active.com services fees. In other words, if you signed up for a ride for $75 and paid Active.com an additional $4.75 service fee, we credit you $75 only. Why? Because Active.com doesn’t refund or credit us that $4.75.
Sell or Give Your Ride Registration to Someone Else
All you need to do to sell your spot is give your name to the new rider. The new rider MUST check in at the start on ride day so we can update our records, even if you bought the Express Lane pre-mail service.
Why?
Because if they get smooshed by a truck and they are wearing a numbered wristband that our records show belongs to you, we won’t know the difference (because them smooshed and you smooshed look pretty much the same...) and we will call YOUR family and tell them that YOU are DEAD, DEAD, DEAD! (Try explaining THAT ONE at Thanksgiving dinner!)
When the new rider checks in, they simply say, “I’m riding for Jim Smith, but my name is...” They can pick any distance or check-in location, no matter what you specified when you signed up. They get whatever extra-goodies you signed up for -- if you registered for transportation, they get it. If you bought a Medium racing jersey, they get a Medium (only) racing jersey.
S.A.G. (Bike Rescue) -- What it Can and Can Not Do
If you get too tired to go on or your bike breaks, just call the phone number that we will print on the route sheet (handed out ONLY on ride day) and we’ll rush someone to your aid. We have vehicles with walkie-talkies stationed all along the route to help you.
Our S.A.G. drivers are wonderful people, but most of them are NOT bike mechanics. (In fact, many are non-cycling friends of people who are doing the ride.) When they pick you up, they will usually not be able to fix your bike. Instead, they will take you to either a nearby bike shop or to the next rest stop where you can get additional help or give you a lift all the way to the finish line.
S.A.G. can also not take you to a movie, to pick up your dry cleaning, or to grandma’s house.
Weather & Route Conditions
If it is hot out you may be hot.
If it is cold out you may be cold.
If it is raining you may get wet.
We work constantly to find the best routes, but if there is a pot-hole or a nasty bit of pavement, it is up to you to work around it.
The only time we cancel the ride is if the weather is so bad that we believe that your life would be in danger out on the route. (Lightning, tsunami...) We do not issue refunds in case of bad weather.
Water
All of our rest stops have delicious water (along with lots and lots of other goodies). We don’t serve bottled water. Ever. Here’s why.
The Length of the Ride
The first time I rode a full century (100 miles) I was, of course, exhausted at the end. I was in shock when my odometer hit 100.0, but I wasn’t back at the finish. There was another two or three miles to go. I was tempted to just slam on the brakes right there and refuse to go any farther, but...
SO... I know the feeling. I do my best to get the route mileages to come out just exactly perfect (on account of our new name is The Just Exactly Perfect Brothers’ Band...) but it rarely works out that way. I promise to do my very best for you, but as our route sheets often state at the bottom, “Mileage figures are highly inaccurate and are for your entertainment purposes only.”
Food
WARNING: Our peanut butter may contain peanuts. (Duh!)
The Route Sheet
On the day of the ride we will give you a great route sheet. We do not release copies of the route sheet in advance, for four reasons:
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1.Not everyone is as honest as you. When we release the route sheet in advance, we get a lot of people who do the ride without paying.
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2.Believe it or not, the route sheet is usually not ready until just a day or two before the ride. Why? Because our excellent route-marking crew heads out right before the ride to check for any last-minute changes. It is VERY common for them to come across a road that we have used for years, only to discover that it is closed for construction (or under water). When they return from marking the route, the route-marking team is THE final word on where the route goes -- even I don’t know the route until I hear back from them.
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3.If we distribute the route sheet before the ride, we get a LOT of email like this: "I see the route goes down Maple Street. You people are idiots. Everyone knows that Oak Street is much better than Maple Street. I will be riding on Oak Street instead. Will there be a rest stop for me on Oak Street?"
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4.We ALSO get a lot of email like this: "I see from the route sheet that the ride will go right past my house. I will start pedaling from in front of my house, and then do the route in reverse order. Can I get a lift back to my house after the ride?"
Hope you understand! When we’ve released the route sheet in advance bad things happen to us, and we hate when that happens!
Transporting Your Bike
We offer optional transportation for your bike and you from Manhattan to the ride’s start line and back again. We put the cyclists in charter buses and vans and we put the bikes in our private trucks.
Last year we spent $40,000 on new custom bike racks for the trucks (now you know where your ride fees go) so your bike will travel much safer -- no need for bike wrapping.
We are gentle with all of the bikes, but even under the best circumstances, nicks and dents and scratches happen.
In other words, if you see one of our staff jumping up and down on your bike, we promise to kill them, and we will pay for damage to your bike. But if your bike gets scratched, banged, dented, or bent accidently during shipping, we can not be responsible, and we can not reimburse you. This may be the wrong ride to bring your one-of-a-kind, Dura Ace 25th Anniversary Edition, custom-painted-by-Ernesto Colnago-himself-bicycle.
Why the hard line on bike damage? Good question. Years ago I was the tour director of a ride where a cyclist swore that we scratched the paint on the bottom of his bike. (You know -- on the bottom where you can’t see it...) The solution that he proposed was that we pay to have all of the components removed from his bike, have the bare frame shipped to Italy where it would be hand-painted, then shipped back to the U.S. and reassembled. Estimated price: $3,000. Were we responsible for that scratch in his paint? I don’t think so, but who knows? So rather than risk bankrupting our little company every time we ride, we just put this mean policy in place instead.
The End
I’ve been doing this for about 13 years now, and I plan to keep on doing it for another 200 years. But if our little company should crumble, all ride refunds and credits are worth nothing.
Glen
Your tour director and humble servant
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