This is a lovely ride with great scenery, fun people, wonderful volunteers, too much food... But I can guarantee you that 20 people are going to have a terrible time. You see, we expect about 2,000 cyclists, and on every ride we do there is a consistent one percent of our fellow cyclists that have a really bad time of it. When things go wrong for one of our fine cyclists we scrape them up off the pavement with a spatula and then we often hear them say, “But no one told me that...” And so here it all is -- all the bad stuff on one page. For 99 percent of you this stuff doesn’t matter one bit -- you are going to have a blast. But if you would like to avoid being in that unhappy one percent (or if you just like to read cranky stuff), this is worth taking a look. Helmets You must wear a hard bike helmet at all times on the ride. No helmet/no ride/no exceptions. Really. Oh yeah, and while we’re being mean, no earphones or cell phones while you’re pedaling either. If you break these rules, we will kick you off the ride and everyone will laugh at you. No refunds. Whiners Whiners will be dealt with in the harshest possible manner. Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy Once you register, there are no refunds. Of any kind. For ANY reason. Ever. You CAN often get a credit that you can use for another ride. See below. How to Transfer Your Registration to Another Ride If it turns out that you can’t make it to the ride for ANY reason, you can often receive a credit from us that you can use for another of our rides. Just email us as soon as you can and let us know you can’t attend the ride. Your credit will be valid through whatever the last event is that we run in 2012, but after that your credit is GONE and NOTHING can bring it back. Your credit is not for One Free Ride -- it is for a dollar amount. How much credit will you receive? That has NOTHING to do with the reason WHY you are canceling -- it ONLY depends on WHEN you tell us that you can’t make it: 15 Days or More Notice Before Event Day: 100% credit 10-14 Days Notice: 50% credit 5-9 Days Notice: 25% credit Less than 5 days notice: No credit We can not provide any credit for the service fees charged by the on-line registration service, Active.com. Active.com will not give that money back to us so we can not give it back to you. This is still the most generous refund policy of any ride I know of in NY/NJ/CT (much to the annoyance of our Evil Marketing Department). I believe that the refund policy offered by most local rides is: No! Obscure Trivia Note I’ve been putting on swell rides for more than a dozen years now -- it’s my full-time job, and I expect to do this for another 200 years. But if my poor little company ever goes broke or I die in a horrible ice-cream-and-pie related accident, all ride credits will have zero value, OK? OK. A Brief Word About Illness, Accidents, Death, and Cake We get lots of emails right before the ride: "Even though you have a no-refund policy, I need a refund. I can’t ride because I am sick and I have a note from my doctor to prove it -- would you like a copy of the note?" No. No I would not. We believe you (and your doctor) but it's like this:  Suppose I'm a baker and you order a 10-foot tall cake that states Happy Birthday Melvin on it. Then something terrible happens.  Melvin gets the flu. Melvin falls down a flight of stairs.  Melvin gets drunk and cracks a tooth on a coffee table. Horrible. Sad. We understand why you no longer want the cake. But when you placed your order, I purchased perishable ingredients.  I added extra staff.  I bought Cake Insurance (OK... just go along with me here...) I don't need a note from Melvin's doctor.  I believe you.  Fate has dealt you a completely unfair hand for no good reason at all.  But one of us is about to lose the price of the cake, and it's going to be you or me. And me being the poor and cranky guy I am... it's going to be you. (There must be a MUCH nicer way to say that, but nothing comes to mind just at this moment...) Now imagine that I have 2,000 people who EACH order a cake that states Happy Birthday Melvin on it and you get the idea. Thanks for understanding. Sell or Give Your Ride Registration to Someone Else All you need to do to transfer your spot in the ride to another person is give your name to the new rider. The new rider MUST stop by one of our check-in desks the day before the ride or on ride day, even if you bought the Express Lane don’t-wait-in-line pre-mail service. Why? Because if they get smooshed by a truck and they are wearing a numbered wristband that our records show belongs to you, we won’t know the difference (because them smooshed and you smooshed look pretty much the same...) and we will call YOUR family and tell them that YOU are DEAD, DEAD, DEAD! (Try explaining THAT ONE at Thanksgiving dinner!) When the new rider checks in, they simply say, “I’m riding for Jim Smith, but my name is...” They can pick any distance or check-in location, no matter what you specified when you signed up. They get whatever extra-goodies you signed up for -- if you registered for transportation back home, they get it. If you bought a Medium racing jersey, they get a Medium (only) racing jersey. S.A.G. (Bike Rescue) -- What it Can and Can Not Do If you get too tired to go on or your bike breaks, just call the phone number that we will print on the route sheet (handed out ONLY on ride day) and we’ll rush someone to your aid. We have vehicles with walkie-talkies stationed all along the route to help you. Our S.A.G. drivers are wonderful people, but most of them are NOT bike mechanics. (In fact, many are non-cycling friends of people who are doing the ride.) When they pick you up, they will usually not be able to fix your bike. Instead, they will take you to either a nearby bike shop or to the next rest stop where you can get additional help or a lift all the way to the finish line. S.A.G. is not a taxi service. S.A.G. can not take you to a movie. S.A.G. can not take you to Thai food take-out. S.A.G. can not drop you off at grandma’s house. Weather & Route Conditions If it is hot out you may be hot. If it is cold out you may be cold. If it is raining you may get wet. Yeah, this is painfully obvious to 99 percent of you, but we DO get emails... We work constantly to find the best routes, but if there is a pot-hole or a nasty bit of uneven pavement, it is up to you to work around it. We often get frantic screaming phone calls on ride day at our headquarters: “THERE’S A HUGE POTHOLE AT MILE 73.4!” We understand your concern but there is remarkably little we can do about this on ride day. (Our personal paving machine and steamroller are both still in the shop, waiting for spare parts.) The only time we cancel the ride is if the weather is so bad that we believe that your life would be in danger out on the route. (Lightning, tsunami...) We do not issue refunds if we have to cancel the ride. (Why? See above under Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy). Water All of our rest stops have delicious water (along with lots and lots of other goodies). We don’t serve bottled water. Ever. Here’s why. The Length of the Ride The first time I rode a full century (100 miles) I was, of course, exhausted at the end. I was in shock when my odometer hit 100.0, but I wasn’t back at the finish. There was another two or three miles to go. I was tempted to just slam on the brakes right there and refuse to go any farther, but... SO... I know the feeling. I do my best to get the route mileages to come out just exactly perfect (on account of our new name is The Just Exactly Perfect Brothers’ Band...) but it rarely works out that way. In addition, I got in the middle of a heated debate last year over which is more accurate for measuring the route: A car odometer Computerized maps such as Google or MapQuest My bike odometer YOUR bike odometer I promise to do my very best for you, but as our route sheets often state at the bottom, “Mileage figures are highly inaccurate and are for your entertainment purposes only.” Food Allergies WARNING: Our peanut butter may contain peanuts. (Duh!) The Route Sheet On the day of the ride we will give you a great route sheet. We do not release copies of the route sheet in advance, for four reasons: Not everyone is as honest as you. When we release the route sheet in advance, we get a lot of people who do the ride without paying. Believe it or not, the route sheet is usually not ready until just a day or two before the ride. Why? Because our excellent route-marking crew heads out right before the ride to check for any last-minute changes. It is VERY common for them to come across a road that we have used for years, only to discover that it is closed for construction (or under water), leading to last-minute detours. When the crew returns from marking the route they are THE final word on where the route goes -- even I don’t know the route until I hear back from them. If we distribute the route sheet before the ride, we get a LOT of email like this: "I see the route goes down Maple Street. You people are idiots. Everyone knows that Oak Street is much better than Maple Street. I will be riding on Oak Street instead. Will there be a rest stop for me on Oak Street?" We ALSO get a lot of email like this: "I see from the route sheet that the ride will go right past my house. I will start pedaling from in front of my house, and then do the route in reverse order. Can I get a lift back to my house after the ride?" Hope you understand! When we’ve released the route sheet in advance bad things happen to us, and we hate when that happens! Transporting Your Bike If you take our optional transportation (or if you get a lift from our bike rescue team) we will put your bike in to one of our private trucks. We are cyclists with expensive bikes too, and we are gentle with all of the bikes, but even under the best circumstances, nicks and scratches happen. YOUR BIKE MAY BE SCRATCHED, DENTED, BENT, OR DESTROYED. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR BIKE, AND WE DO NOT PAY FOR BIKE DAMAGE. In other words, if you see one of our staff jumping up and down on your bike, we promise to kill them, and we will pay for damage to your bike. But if your bike gets a flat tire, scratched, banged, dented, bent, or destroyed accidentally during shipping, we can not be responsible, and we can not reimburse you. This may be the wrong ride to bring your one-of-a-kind, Dura Ace 25th Anniversary Edition, custom-painted-by-Ernesto Colnago-himself-bicycle. Why the hard line on bike damage? Good question. Years ago I was the tour director of a ride where a cyclist swore that we scratched the paint on the bottom of his bike. (You know -- the bottom -- where you can’t see it...) The solution that he proposed was that we pay to have all of the components removed from his bike, have the bare frame shipped to Italy where it would be hand-painted, then shipped back to the U.S. and reassembled. Estimated price: $3,000. Were we responsible for that scratch in his paint? I don’t think so, but who knows? So rather than risk bankrupting our little company every time we ride, we just put this mean policy in place instead. I’m reminded of our high school drug dealer youth-group leader. He was the first person I ever knew who had a custom-built bike. He had a dream that he dropped the bike and scratched it, and he never rode the bike again. You are on an adult adventure and adult adventures involve risk. Clothing Souvenir clothing including T-shirts, jerseys, and socks often sell out. We recommend that you order it in advance. If you order a Medium jersey and decide later that you really need a Large jersey instead, just ask -- we will gladly make the switch for you IF we have another Large jersey available. If we don’t we will be happy to issue you a refund, provided that you return that Medium jersey to us unsullied. There are two ways to get your hands on your souvenir clothing: You can pick it up for free at the finish line of the ride. (We do not distribute any souvenir clothing at the start line, for reasons far too dull to explain here). You can pay extra to have it mailed to your home before the ride. You will be asked if you want the pre-mail option during on-line registration. If you decide after you’ve registered that you want the pre-mail after all, just drop us a note and we’ll take extra-good care of you. Now here’s the unfair bad news part: If you tell us that you will pick up your clothing for free at the finish, that’s cool. But if you don’t show up to pick up your stuff FOR ANY REASON you have some choices: Forget about it and forfeit your clothing. No refunds. Contact us within 15 days after the ride and we will mail you your stuff. We WILL charge you to mail it to you. How much? I dunno... depends on how much stuff we’re talking about and what mood we’re in, but you’re looking at $10 minimum for postage, shipping, handling, graft, kickbacks, gratuity, bribes... We’ll let you know the price BEFORE we charge you and ask for your OK. Some folks are eligible for free racing socks for signing up super-early. If you don’t have those pre-mailed to you, and you don’t pick them up at the finish line, they are GONE. We can not hold them for you. If you PAID for racing socks, we’re good -- see notes #1 and #2 above. I know what you’re thinking -- “Why are you charging me just to mail my T-shirt after I spent all that money on the ride?” We understand that there are all sorts of reasons why people don’t pick up their stuff at the finish line, ranging from space-doggie behavior to missed the ride entirely to horrible accident. The stories are endlessly fascinating, but not really our turf. All we know is that at the end of the day we still have your stuff, and we want you to have it. As noted elsewhere on this page, if you miss the ride that doesn’t mean that we got a huge windfall of cash at your expense. Once you register for the ride it costs us the same amount whether you show up or not. (But we like it a lot more when you’re there!) We only earn a few bucks on each clothing item. If we pick up the tab to mail your stuff to you after the ride we just LOST money on your purchase, and my accountant said something about losing money being bad, so... Lost & Found/Luggage After the ride we always have a collection of lost and found items including luggage. Happy to get this stuff back to you. See completely unfair terms above under Clothing -- we can get your stuff to you but we have to charge you for mailing. Just get in touch and we’ll be happy to help. VITAL TIP: After the ride if you are missing important stuff, please be SURE that the subject of the email you send us is something such as, “I lost my camera at North Fork” or “Missing North Fork luggage”. After the ride we will get HUNDREDS of emails, mostly just saying thanks or offering friendly tips, or telling funny stories, and it takes a LONG time to get through them. If your note needs immediate attention, don’t be afraid to say so in the subject line. Glen Your tour director and humble servant glen @ northfork century.com Click here to go to the next page, or use the navigation menu at the top of your screen. Glen Your tour director and humble servant glen @ north fork century.com Not ready to sign up yet, but want to be added to our bike ride mailing list? Just click here. mailto:glen@bicycleshows.us?subject=Transfer%20My%20Registration%20Pleasehttp://www.nycbicycleshow.com/Bike_Shows/Bottled_Water.htmlmailto:glen@bicycleshows.us?subject=Montauk%20'11%20QuestionContact_Us.htmlhttp://www.northforkcentury.com/North_Fork_Century_11/Contact_Us.htmlhttp://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101819944150&p=oihttp://tinyurl.com/3byj7j3http://tinyurl.com/3byj7j3shapeimage_2_link_0shapeimage_2_link_1shapeimage_2_link_2shapeimage_2_link_3shapeimage_2_link_4shapeimage_2_link_5

All the Bad Stuff on One Page!

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